Your wingman in college. Your best golfing buddy. He's the guy you picture by your side, laughing it up right along with you. But that doesn't make him your best man. Your best friend is the guy with whom you want to share all of your successes. The guy who you look to for support when everything is falling apart - that's your best man. If you're lucky, it's the same guy. But what do you do if it's not?   How do you tell the difference?

Unfortunately, you can't round up all your friends and give them a best man quiz to see who scores the highest. You will need to put some serious thought into the guy you ask to be your best man. In some cases, there may be a clear reason for choosing someone other than your best friend. For instance, your brother may be pretty high up the list. Maybe your best friend won't be able to be around for a major part of the planning process - that would be a good reason to knock him out of the running.   Other times, though, it's just not that simple.

What it comes down to is this: best friends, sadly, may come and go. Your best man, on the other hand, is someone who will likely stay in your life forever. Your best man needs to be trustworthy, organized, responsible, fun, and supportive, and often all in the same day. He's the guy you can go to when you're feeling ecstatic about spending your life with the woman of your dreams, but he's also the guy you can go to when you're freaking out over exactly the same thing. He has to be able to organize your bachelor party, keep the other groomsmen on task, run errands, book travel arrangements, prepare a speech, and get you through the biggest day of your life. If your best friend fits the bill, then by all means, ask him to be your best man. If you just can't see him coming through for you every single time you need him, in good times and bad, then you may need to look elsewhere. And there's nothing wrong with that.

So, what do you do if you decide that you don't want your best friend to be your best man, but you know he's expecting to be asked? The news usually isn't too tough to break if you're asking your brother instead - your friend is sure to understand the reasoning there. Family is expected to come first, after all. If you're going with another friend, or someone more distant, though, it can get tricky. You don't want to hurt his feelings, and you don't want to damage the friendship. If you think he'll really take it as an insult, you can try to soften the blow by telling him over drinks, or some other relaxed, casual activity you both enjoy. Ultimately, though, the old adage holds true: honesty is the best policy. Be straight with your friend; lay out the reasons for your decision calmly and without making accusations or trying to shift the blame (no trying to weasel out of it with the "my fiancée doesn't want it to be you" excuse). Let him know how much his friendship means to you, and how hard of a decision it was, but don't belabor the point. Just tell him honestly, and if he's really your best friend, he'll understand. And make it short and sweet. There's no point blabbering on about it; that will only make things more awkward.